So it's Christmas time and the hustle and bustle are never at a snail's pace. Everyone is hunting, pecking and even running down others for that perfect gift for that perfect someone. There are also those who have a much harder time getting those perfect gifts for their perfect someone. This is the one thing I struggle with the most, especially now. I'm a mom. I never quite understood when my mother would give me that look for not being able to give me all I wanted each year for my birthday and Christmas.
Yes, being young we have no concept of money or finances or really anything. Normally if it could have been purchased, it was. There would be no reason that we, as children, would really know of the hardships our parents had to endure when it came to those special times of the year when for just a brief moment, we reigned! I have been having an internal battle within myself as each year passes along and my little one grows older. This year is going to be a lot of fun for her. But not so much for me. I know I have talked about this with a couple of people and the fact of the matter is that I am not ungrateful as your look says. I am beyond grateful and very humbled to have so many people out there wanting to help my little have the best day ever. I cannot even begin to thank you enough!!!! That being said, this next bit is even harder to say and probably just as hard or that much more difficult to read.
I will never be ungrateful, I will never feel I'm owed or my daughter is owed and I will never, ever expect the help that I've been given. I am and honestly feel truly blessed!! I just need for some to understand that though you are helping make the best day ever, it makes me feel more inferior by the year. I don't expect you to understand on first reading but take just a brief moment to try and understand where I'm coming from. I had a conversation with someone that I value their opinion as they have been good at helping me the balance in my very crazy and self-assisting mind. I feel that there are just certain things or events that the parent should do whatever it takes to make it a fantastic day. I don't ask what people get for my mini just to see or compare, I ask because I'm her mother and maybe, just maybe I wanted to give her that gift. Or that trip. Or that toy. The joy of seeing your child's face light up when you have given them the one or few things they have always wanted or have been a constant on their minds, it is better than anything in this world!!! In a sense, my one moment of glory is kinda snuffed out. That one moment where I can be more than just mom and dad, I'm the best person on the face of the planet!!!
I really don't know why it bothers me so much. Maybe it's my upbringing. My mother always taught me, if you can get it, get it. If you can't, you wait for another time. I don't want for those of you to think I don't want my daughter spoiled. I'm sure I will do my share, it's inevitable. What I'm saying is that I need those moments. It may be pathetic to you and that is perfectly fine for you to think so. Hell, I think so. But I need those moments.
So instead of looking at me like I've lost my damn mind and I am being ungrateful, take a moment, just a moment. Don't you want to shine too?
Despite this blabber, I do wish all of you and my amazing friends the most wonderful holiday season, a Merry Christmas, I hope your Chanukah was amazing, Happy Kwanza(no I really don't celebrate it because I really don't know what it means) and a very happy and healthy New Year!!!!
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